No time for being sentimental

Things which matters most must never be at mercy of things which matters least
--Geothe

Sometimes things just go different than we expected. And even when they seem to be within your grasp it can be gone within a second. Somethings seem so fragile, especially human relations.

You might think that true friendships will last forever, but in order to do so, you need to show that you have been a true friend, and continue to do so. Without these actions even the best friendships will fade away.

Some of us might think that true love will last forever. And maybe that's true at too, but even true love need to be shown from time to time. And we all seem to perceive things in different way.

I use to think that if things start from the heart, that all things will eventually shine through. And although I still believe that matters what you carry in your heart, maybe without speaking or really showing it, counts more than superficial acts and words, that carries values.

I gradually realize that carrying things in the heart is not enough for some people. And as a guy I learned to act different from I think. Especially on more personal and emotional matters. Maybe it's mainly because of the fact that I don't know how to handle with these things, but as I said, I sometimes choose to ignore it, or showing things the other way around. And somehow, it seems to be picked up the wrong way. Even though that I meant it totally different in my heart, this is not sensed. All people see and judge are things they can see with their eyes. You might think that someone who has been knowing u for months, will gradually get to know you better, but eventually u will see the truth, and truth is, you are totally misunderstood.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

I cracked up when i saw this quote. Anyway, not that I truly believe I'm good, but there times I did think I meant it the good way, but has been misunderstood.

Then again, there's not much else I can do. I just need learn to act according to my heart and mind, and hope that my true intentions will be read the right way. I just need to continue to follow my path of principles, and believe what is right and true. And eventually, it will always shine through :). That's what I believe, and will always be believing. That's a principle in life that will never change, and will always can hold on to.

Like Alphonse Elric would say:
Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth.

Vampire? o.O

You Are A Vampire

You have a real thirst for bliss, and you consider yourself a true hedonist. And you're not afraid to walk alone in life, if it means getting what you truly crave. You truly enjoy entrancing people. Not to mention the ensuing pleasures of the flesh. Your tastes have been called decadent and bizarre. You usually give in to your temptations, no matter how primal Your greatest power: Your flawless ability to seduce and charm Your greatest weakness: Human flesh You play well with: Werewolves

What Kind of Monster Are You?

Lol this is actually quite right

New start!

I got enough of thinking i'm the stable, rational guy, who is dependable, serious, wise and bla bla bla.
I'm still not that kinda person.. It's time for me to play play and play some more :P. Life is a adventure~ Life is waiting... Here I come, life *hugs life*.

For those who have no idea what i'm talking about. Sorry for wasting your time by making u all reading this :X

Unconditionally

Hi all,

Haven't blog for a long time. And I realise, I only blog again, because i'm in a somewhat sentimental situation again.

I realised that I liked someone very much, and was willing to do lot of things for her. But not unconditionally. I only did things on the condition that she would like me back. Untill today i'm not 100% if she ever did. Even though she hinted it a 1000 times, but i'll still not know.

Not only because i'm ignorant, but because she is in a tough situation is not willing to make that decision. At least that's what she told me.

In the passed I tried to be there for her, and I realised that wasn't totally without conditions. I liked her.. and i wanted her to like me back.

Now I should try to like her, and be there for her, without having her.

You might think that i live in a dreamworld, but I truely believe that's what I really want for now. It might be a dream only.. but it's a dream i would like to have, for now...

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Not so long ago, I started to pick up on a new anime. It's called Sayornara Zetsubou Sensai (bye bye, teacher of despair). This anime cracked me up.

The plot is about a teacher who always think in negative terms, but will meet a student that is not capable of seeing things negatively, but will only be able to see things in a positive way.

Not only is this all brought in a hilarious way, but lots of small details in the anime actually makes it kind of fun. For example how all names are composed. The teacher's name is actually suppose to be ito shiki nozomu (hope). But when you take put the first two chars together, it the name will change into zetsubou, which means despair. And there's a girl called Meru (that's how japanese people speak out mail). Meru is the girl that only communicates with others thru text messages. Actually all the characters have a funny name.

Anyway, i would definitely recommend this anime to any1 who is reading this. Not only does it display that all negatives can be brought into a positive light (in a very extreme way), but it also tells us that we should never think thinks too extremes :).

Hmm, what God am I?

Which God or Goddess are you like? Your Result: Jesus   You are God's lovechild. You love all and most love you. You help those who need it, and those too. The girls all chase you, and some boys too. You love to have fun, but you keep a serious life of working as well.Congratulations!! You are Christ!!
The Christian God
You are your own God or Goddess
Budha
Satan
Goddess Bast
God Zeus
Goddess Sekhemet
Which God or Goddess are you like? Make Your Own Quiz

IQ test

The way you think about things makes you a Creative Theorist. This means you are a highly intelligent, complex person. You are able to process information of nearly every kind with ease, using both creativity and analysis to make sense of the world. Compared to others you also have a very rich imagination.

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Creative Theorist? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Creative Theorist. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.

Unrequited love

I happen to stumble this on the net while browsing around :)

Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,
And finds in your presence that life is worth while,
So when you are lonely, remember it's true:
Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.

- Unknown

7 sins

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Daydreaming

I actually have quite some things to do, but yet I'm slacking terribly. While i'm enjoying my chorizo, i'm actually daydreaming, about houses.. and retirement lol (am i getting that old?).

This is triggered by an event from a few days ago. A few days ago I encountered a beautiful house. Not too big, but certainly beautiful enough to call it pittoresque. I use this word, because it reminds me of those small houses in the farmlands of southern France. The bricks were painted white, while the windows and other woordwork were painted marine blue. You could open up the upper half of the doors only, so u could use them as windows as well.

The garden was perfectly decorated with nicely flowers from different colors here and there. And it mixed harmonious with the white bricks and marine blue windows. Especially the greenery. The wooden couch was painted marine blue as well. It all gave u a very homely, cozy, and family like impression. At the first sight, you could tell the owner treated the house with lots of love.

The interior was simple.. lots of whites.. it felt almost country like, but also a tad modern and but still simplistic. But it really give you this cosy feeling again. Most interesting part, and probably the thing that really catched my eye, were the bordeaux red text on the milk white wall. You could find the following text on the wall:


Plate du jour
soupe l'amour
amiété à lá carte
coupe le bonheur
du vin rouge

There were some elderly ladies enjoying from the beautiful weather outside, and a very neat and nice looking lady from around 50 happen to be the owner of this beautiful house. I asked her about the words on the wall. And also had to check what it meant, since my French isn't that good. She was so nice, she even offered me coffee. Her sister who visited her was also a very nice lady, and the other old lady happened to be her mother, who stayed over. She was already 90ish, but still had the sharpness of a young lady.

The owner explained to me that she did most of the things herself. And I have to be honest, you could see it that it was done with love. She was also very proud of her house, and thanked me for the interests. The text on the wall was written by her daughter in law. She really had a beautiful handwriting, since the words really decorated the wall. But it's those words that made me remember this house and this encounter untill today.

I dream of such house. I would like one when I retire. But preferably not in the Netherlands. In the farmlands of southern France maybe, or on some hills in Tuscanny. An old one... one I can work on. I really love the sceneries in southern France. And it would be great if the weather would let me to build my own wine. On the other hand, i'm not such a fan of French people. I love the culture, the history, the scenery of the country, but somehow I have something against French people. They are too proud, and too loud I guess.

So I would most probably want a house in Italy... amoung the beautiful scenery of Tuscany, on some hill, where I can over look the coutnryside from a top. With forests here and there, maybe a beautiful ponds or lake nearby :). I've never been in Tuscany to be honest, but pictures of it has made me love the region before I've been able the witness it's beauty with my own eyes.

Then again, it doesn't matter where the house is, or what the house looks like. It's what it stands for. I can imagine sharing this house with the most charming and lovable lady. And I would build the house myself if I could. And even if I couldn't I would like to do most of it myself. Because the house has a meaning. And I feel priveleged to be able to paint it, or work on it. Every streak of paint, should be done with my own hands, because everyone of them should show my love for the house, or rather where it stands for ^_^.

Some MV

Hmmm lots of Harlem Yu MV lol... bored.. but can't be bothered with blogging... just listen to some MV guys =P

I'm a jerk

FACT: I was an insentive jerk!...
I saw the light.. and finally realise that i was insensitive... and never were able to see things from her side.

Never meant to make you cry

Had another horrible night of sleep, but I guess it can't be helped. I've been trying to focus on things ahead, and be optimistic during the day, but everytime i close my eyes, I seem to see images of her. And when I finally am so tired that I fall asleep.. I somehow have to wake up because I happen to dream of her. I guess such is the life of surpressed feelings. Can't be helped.. but I have to survive, besides... I have to admit that some of the dreams are really beautiful. It's ironic that I sound like that I love my subconcious life more than my real one.

But in my dreams I can still silently continue to like her. Without bothering her, I could still admire her from distance. Something I don't dare to do in real anymore. I'm afraid I would make her cry again once I have to face her. Last two days I've been trying to avoid her. Not that it's so hard to avoid her, but instead of searching for her, what I want to do so deep in my heart, I chose to avoid her as much as possible. It's simply because I seem to cause her so much discomfort. And all I wanted to do was to make her smile. Preferably smile forever, but even when I am able to catch that faint of her smile I would be happy, and all my efforts in making her doing so would be worth it.

Ironically, all I did was make her cry. In my silly attempts to make her happy, I only seem to fail terribly, and instead making her cry. It pains my heart to make her cry. Secretly I really hope to be the guy that could continue to make her smile... and paint her days with colors of the rainbow, but as I realise I might not be the guy... I slowly and gradually hope she will one day find someone that could do instead of me.

Of course I would be jealous. No, maybe envious is the word to describe it, but seeing her being happy and be able to smile would bring enough comfort in my heart. That I rather be envious, and I'll have to find my own path on my own. At least I'll have comfort in my heart, since I know she's able to smile again. Maybe then... then we could try to pick up the friendship we once lost.

I'll be her friend in heart forever. And always hoping for the day she can embrace me as a friend again. She will always have a special place in my heart, and my heart feels broken for the fact that I caused her pain..... so be it. Let time and fate decide what's in store for us. I'll be happy as long I know she's smiling, somewhere...

After I met her

I decided to blog a more personal entry. It's my blog afterall, but I'll remain vague, and blur out the facts... since I yet can't feel comfortable speaking in the open. I also would like to protect those I talk about

It's funny how things turn out at times. Last months I realise I gradually started to like someone I've known for 3 years now. Not that I actually took the time to get to know her before. Not untill last november, when she logged on MSN more often, and he held long chats till late night.

She's a rebel, but someone who's full of live. Relaxed, caring, a little bit of oddball, but certainly has a big heart. Things I was obvlious about for over 3 years. And too be honest, it's actually hard to believe that an angel like her has been so close to me all this time, while I never noticed her.

Although I always thought our relationship never evolved, now I think back, things did happen pretty fast. Especially considering the fact that we know each other for so long, and suddenly I happen to know her so much better.

She use to be a close person. Someone that would not open up easily. I guess, my talkative nature did help, and opened her a bit up.. a bit by bit.. gradually I started to know more about her. And I felt that we started to touch eachother's heart... Not that much as I wanted it. But still.. we were getting there.

Yesterday, I realise I was the most stupid man in the world. She claimed that things moved to fast.. and that my gift for her was too big for her to accept. Even said things like that it might be better if she gets out of my life. Those words still burns in my heart, and still feels like she ripped it open with mere words only. I still haven't been able to see her, but I also don't dare to reach out to her.

Once again, I feel stupid. Not only have I ruined our relationship, i'm about to lose a friend I truly trust. Not only did I like her, but she seem to give life so much meaning. She's such a nice and warm person... sigh...

It can't be helped but to feel hopeless and useless now. I tried to focus on things ahead, and just let nature takes it course. If things were not meant to be, then they are not meant to be. Yet I can't stop myself from typing this out. I;ve bothered the people around me more than enough, and maybe I should not bother them too much about it as well. I sound impulsive, emotional lately. I feel different as well. Not so sure about things ahead... a feeling I thought I lost long time ago.

Conclusion of all this? I'm not sure.. i'm too lost to find the proper words. All I can say is that time will always tell what will happen. And nature will always find its ways. There's not much else for us to do, but to embrace time, and accept the natural ways. There are certain things we have no control over. All I could do, and should have done, i've done. Rest of the of things are beyond my reach. I guess, all I can do is to observe, wait, and hope for the best. Even when things turn out bad, I'll try my best to salvage the friendship we once had. Or what's left of it.

What kind of angel am i?

What Kind of Angel are you?

GUARD ANGELyou love to help, you can't bared someone suffering, you give hope and caml to the world
Take this quiz!








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Commenting other blogs

I haven't checked Mindy's blog for a long time. So today I decided to drop by for a slow stop. After reading her latest entries I decided to comment on it. In short was the initial idea, but eventually it turned out that I was lost in thoughts, and had so much to talk about.
I guess a lot of little things happened lately, enough to make me reflect.

The following was my comment:
Lately, I realised I've fell back on my routines. So far back, that I almost start acting like a kid. Don't misunderstand me, i've always been some sort of grown up kid, and I like to hold on to my naiveness, in order to keep myself simple. But all that is a choice, one that i'm aware off. Lately my rash and somewhat stupidious actions are not part of a choice, but mere routines.

Yes I'm lost as well, now knowing where i'm heading. Actually I have no idea what tomorrow will bring me, but I've decided just to let it go, and not to think about it. I'll just embrace tomorrow as it comes. And not bother what i might be missing in life. Because I know that I would only become more lost in my emotions and thoughts by doing that. Instead I choose to have faith decide what my path will be. Tomorrow is another day. One that I'll embrace with all my childness and naiveness.

Heh, I don't know the feeling of envy. I am too busy with myself so i am unable to notice others I guess, but I always do feel happy when people around me are blessed with happiness. And it always surprises me how little it takes to make people feel blessed. Of course how little it takes to make them feel miserable as well.

Anyway, I had planned for a short comment but it seems like i've ranting more than you did now. :)

Obviously this comment was actually way to long, and I really hope she does not mind. Then again, knowing her, she would not mind :). She always have been a lovely lady, and she probably always will be ^_^.

There's really no such thing as failure

First of all, I would like to say sorry to those who has been recently comming to my blog, but realising that I hardly update it. I was in a certain stage in life, that I found myself to busy to blog. Of course I wasn't really too busy to blog, but I rather chose to do other things than to blog.

I would like to use this entry to talk about failures. You know, there are certain times that we expect certain outcomes. Like every bit of thing we sacrafice, we demand results from it, but sometimes the outcome might be somewhat different than we expect, and that's what we use to call failure.

In a way it can be seen as a failure, but recent days I realise that this view might be wrong. The result could have been expected. It doesn't always mean, that we get back what we've invested for. If all things were certain in life, life would not be as interesting as it is. Not that I can say that failures are very welcome things to happen, but yet these are also a part of life.

Failures, are actually different outcomes. These most probably will give your life some changes, and have impact on it in many ways. It's the changes we have to face, and most of the time we can't cope with. By understanding this, we might gradually realise that we have to accept these changes, and find ways to live with it. Some of these changes might be prevented, because sometimes not all is lost. Most of them probably not, since you never expect yourself to fail. At least I hardly ever do. By accepting these changes... adapting yourself to it, you will be able to cope with these failures... gradually you can gain back your confidence, which you will need for your future success. One thing is for certain, you will succeed eventually, you just need to hang in there.

I know i haven't slept for a full night, but somehow it opened my eyes more than ever. With this new concept of failure, I might be able to face more adversaries that will be coming my way in the future. Just hope by then, I still remember these words.

Fell in love with the beauty of tears

Just now I had a conversation my friend. Someone who is really special too me, but because of my oblivious nature, I never realised I had such a beautiful friend beside me.

Today she told me that she was in tears, and because she is a friend of mine, I would never want to see her in tears. Yet she taught me something. She showed me some text, that explain to me why she cried:

Why Women Cry...

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,

"And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does

mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his

dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still

wondering why women cry.

Finally he put prayed to God who would surely know the answer.

When God responded he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said: "When I made the woman she had to be to be made special. I made

her shoulders

strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet

gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure

childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I

gave her

a hardness that allows

her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and

take care of her family

through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

gave her the sensitivity

to love her children under any and all

circumstances, even when her child

has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to

carry her husband through

his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect

his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his

wife, but sometimes tests

her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers and only hers

exclusively to use whenever she needs it.

She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman

is not in the clothes she

wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she

combs her hair.The

beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because

that is the doorway to

her heart - the place where love resides."

I might sound a bit emotional at the moment, but I have to admit I read this text over and over again, and this story became more beautiful as I read it over and over again. Now people, wouldn't you agree that I have a meaningful friend? :).
The better I seem to understand her, the more loveable my friend becomes, just like this part of text. This is something that will last forever in my mind, while my friend is someone who will always hold a special place in my heart...... forever.

A guy's brain

For those who always wondered what a guys brain might look like. This is pretty much it. Or is it because we want women to think it looks like this :P. Who knows?

Since we are talking about men, I might as well add another thingie. I just read that beer contains a high amount of female hormones. A scientific research showed this. This research found place in one of the local pubs, where an amount of men had to drink around 10 beers.
The following conclusions were drawn after the test:

1. They all gained a high amount of fat.
2. They've talked a lot, without having said anything useful
3. They can't drive anymore, and can't park their cars.
4. They can't think logically anymore and reason was far to be found.
5. They won't admit that they were wrong, although it was obvious they were.
6. Each of them started to think that they were the center of the universe
7. They have headaches and didn't want sex anymore.
8. They couldn't control their emotions anymore.
9. They kept walking hand in hand or kept their arms around eachother.
10. They had to go to the toilet awfully often, and usually had to go together.

Pictures speaks louder than words

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Come back to me girl (English version)- Se7en

So hard not to think about it
It's every step I take
And heaven knows I'm trying
But it gets awfully hard
When your heart is this broken

Visions of your lovely face
As I awake, I have this feeling
That you're here and beside me
How silly of me, I know

all the pain will go away
so I say it, here I am again
I gotta face another day
I'm so tired, I need u once again oh baby

How am I suppose to carry on,
I find myself singing the same old song
If you hear me, have it in ur heart
but please come back to me (oh baby)

I'll be right here if you need someone
If you hold another I'll be moving on
As easy as said
Just hope that I can see the road

Oh how it's been so long
It seems a lifetime passed
These memories that linger,
soon as I think they have gone
they only gotten stronger

And so I'm getting through a day
but every move was made was always you and I together
It's hard to believe im lonely

Is there gonna be a day
I can see the word to make me better
I know there has to be a way
So if you listen and hear me out girl, baby

How am I suppose to carry on,
I find myself singing the same old song
If you hear me, have it in your heart
but please come back to me (oh baby)

I'll be right here if you need someone
if u hold another one i'll be moving on
as easy as said
just hope that i can see the road

seven

one two three four five six seven

seven

when you hear seven turn it up
you're one in a million,
dunno how we got so wrong
I thought it was so simple then
now I know, now I know, how it goes
to let it go

Can there be a chance for you and I?
Before I really make up my mind
oh how I miss you
I never would kiss you
I'm speaking it from my heart

How am I suppose to carry on,
I find myself singing the same old song
If you hear me, have it in you heart

I'll be right here if you need someone
if you hold another I'll be moving on
just hope that I can see the road
come back to me baby

Beautiful because of imperfection.

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.
--Conrad Hall

Actually there are quite a few things I want to ramble on about, but somehow I kind of refuse to do so. You ever had this feeling that you feel reaching out, but yet refuse to reach out to people? It gives you a certain feeling of solitude, which slowly kills you from inside, but a feeling of melancholy that actually gives you a certain sense of pleasure.

Recently I’ve been reviewing my thoughts of prettiness. What is pretty? And can something that is considered not completely perfect still be pretty? Or can it be pretty just because it’s not completely perfect? A definite uniqueness that adds to the prettiness within? Is such beauty not even considered prettier? I find it rather weird, too call something beautiful, because it is not. It is one step away from it, yet it makes it even more marvellous than it would have been, if it were complete.

I finally seem to understand why some of my memories are so beautiful. It's the imperfections in it that makes it unique as it is. It's not something we can simply replace anymore. So are the little imperfect things that surround us. The imperfection usually adds that extra side story to things, that makes it unique, and a marvel that only imperfection can give us.

Oh well enough rambling for today.

If you look closely at a tree you'll notice it's knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully.
-- Matthew Fox

City of Angels

The gym I work out at recently have become a part of Fitness First. Of course a lot of changes came with it, some good and some not so good. One of these changes is that I can hire DVD’s for free. You have to turn them back in after 2 days. This way it will motivate their members to go to gym every 2 days. I like this idea, and I like them to think “with” the customers. Same like the free fruit. I sometimes forget about my daily vitamins, but when I see a basket full of fruit in front of me every few days, it will be hard to neglect it.

So, recently I decided to re-watch City of Angels. I remember the first time I saw it I found it a little slow paced. But back then I was still a impatient teen, and probably had no good intuition and sense to interpret the movie in the right way. Although I did remember that I still liked the movie in some way. Not to mention that I really love the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Which is of course one of the songs on the original soundtrack of this movie.

(The following text might contain some spoilers)
For those who’ve never seen City of Angels, it is a movie about an angel called Seth (Nicolas Cage) who gradually falls in love with a doctor Maggie (Meg Ryan). Maggie is able to see Seth only when he wants her to see him, and of course she has no idea that he is an angel, neither does she believe in such existence. She has to face life and death every single day yet she doesn’t believe in heaven, nor can perceive such thing. Seth actually has the answer to all her doubts and questions. And he present these in his own way. Not really with words, or something you can perceive directly, but just with his presence, and he seems to give her the feeling that she’s know him for a long time.
Seth doesn’t have the gift to feel hunger, pain, or to touch people. Only humans are able to do so. Of course this all wouldn’t enhance his possible relationship with Maggie.
Eventually Seth realise that he can choose to become human. As he choose to become a fallen angel, but in turn he has to give up all he has known, and give up his existence as an angel.

Maggie dies in the end of the movie, while Seth already gave up his existence as an angel, but the time they had together was a very short period of time. Still Seth insisted that he rather be able to touch her just once, than never been able to do so.

Even though Maggie and Seth are divided by death, I tend to think that their love is eternal. Since Maggie, will always be in Seth’s heart, and he never regretted that he give up his divine existence in return for his very short time with Maggie.
Ok, it might not really befit me to act so sentimental, but this all seems a little touching to me. Especially the fact that Seth is willing to give up so much for just a moment, and the fact that he never regretted that he give up everything for just that one moment in life somehow touches right into my heart. I’m not fully aware if I would ever be able to do so, but I really do feel Seth, but too be really honest I haven’t really found my Maggie yet. Actually recently I thought so, but it turns out not the way I wanted to be.

C'est la vie… being able to be together, means being able to be apart, but most importantly is that there were times of being together.

Fate (Yun)

Chinese have a word called "Yun". Literally it can be translated as fate. Lately, I have been living in a melodramatic world, but I always tend to take some time for myself during these times. Thinking about what happened, trying to take a helicopter view, away from the "situation" I've been in. Reading helps a lot. It clears my mind that has been really misted up by the clouds in front of me. What I didn’t know and couldn’t see was the clear sky behind the clouds.

Behind the clouds is a new sky. One that is clear, and can be seen as new horizon of opportunities. Still, there’s one more dilemma left. Something that I would call fate. What should I do when something “slips away” from you? It might be fate that it slips away, and all my traditional Chinese wisdom tells me that I should be able to accept this, as life cannot always come the way as you want it to be. Yet I feel like fate is something you “create” yourself too. If there are still chances to recover, should I still accept “fate”? I still wouldn’t know what might happen if I try to recover it. Too be honest, things are still beautiful, I still have the nicest of the incidents that happened, but should I still pursue for more? Isn’t love the most beautiful when it can last forever in your memories? Or should we be able to posses the things we really want?

This impasse is still haunting my thoughts, but gradually I tend to accept fate, and am able to tolerate the fact that I will have to let go. Letting go, will make our memories beautiful as they are, and hopefully last forever. Not because I'm oblivious, but because I understand...

一切隨緣

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be....



This song adds this melodramatic feel to the atmosphere, but one that can almost be considered soothing, yet so sad. There are times when we all feel left along in this world, and nothing soothen us more than having pity on ourselves for a short moment. Some people choose to reach out at this moments, but yet I choose not. It's hard to keep this moment as a brief one, but yet there is no other way than to do so. It's the sweetest when it's short.

It's a totally different feeling from the experience between sleeping and waking. That's my delight everyday. But there are times, I tend to think it's the same. These little moments, makes us to enjoy and cherish life the most....

A light that never goes out

Ansem: All worlds begin in darkness, and all so end. The heart is no different. Darkness sprouts within it, grows, consumes it. Such is its nature. In the end, every heart returns to the darkness whence it came. You see, darkness is the heart's true essence.

Sora: That's not true! The heart may be weak, and sometimes it may even give in. But I've learned that deep down, there's a light that never goes out!

Love

The greatest distance divided us,
Not because you are oblivious to my love,
When I stand in front of you,

But because we love each other,
Knowing fate will forever keep us apart...

- Priest Tripitaka (Nicolas Tse), Chinese Tall Story