After I met her

I decided to blog a more personal entry. It's my blog afterall, but I'll remain vague, and blur out the facts... since I yet can't feel comfortable speaking in the open. I also would like to protect those I talk about

It's funny how things turn out at times. Last months I realise I gradually started to like someone I've known for 3 years now. Not that I actually took the time to get to know her before. Not untill last november, when she logged on MSN more often, and he held long chats till late night.

She's a rebel, but someone who's full of live. Relaxed, caring, a little bit of oddball, but certainly has a big heart. Things I was obvlious about for over 3 years. And too be honest, it's actually hard to believe that an angel like her has been so close to me all this time, while I never noticed her.

Although I always thought our relationship never evolved, now I think back, things did happen pretty fast. Especially considering the fact that we know each other for so long, and suddenly I happen to know her so much better.

She use to be a close person. Someone that would not open up easily. I guess, my talkative nature did help, and opened her a bit up.. a bit by bit.. gradually I started to know more about her. And I felt that we started to touch eachother's heart... Not that much as I wanted it. But still.. we were getting there.

Yesterday, I realise I was the most stupid man in the world. She claimed that things moved to fast.. and that my gift for her was too big for her to accept. Even said things like that it might be better if she gets out of my life. Those words still burns in my heart, and still feels like she ripped it open with mere words only. I still haven't been able to see her, but I also don't dare to reach out to her.

Once again, I feel stupid. Not only have I ruined our relationship, i'm about to lose a friend I truly trust. Not only did I like her, but she seem to give life so much meaning. She's such a nice and warm person... sigh...

It can't be helped but to feel hopeless and useless now. I tried to focus on things ahead, and just let nature takes it course. If things were not meant to be, then they are not meant to be. Yet I can't stop myself from typing this out. I;ve bothered the people around me more than enough, and maybe I should not bother them too much about it as well. I sound impulsive, emotional lately. I feel different as well. Not so sure about things ahead... a feeling I thought I lost long time ago.

Conclusion of all this? I'm not sure.. i'm too lost to find the proper words. All I can say is that time will always tell what will happen. And nature will always find its ways. There's not much else for us to do, but to embrace time, and accept the natural ways. There are certain things we have no control over. All I could do, and should have done, i've done. Rest of the of things are beyond my reach. I guess, all I can do is to observe, wait, and hope for the best. Even when things turn out bad, I'll try my best to salvage the friendship we once had. Or what's left of it.